By: Paul Kim
Often our community nights include a brief program. In January, we invited Anawim assistant Paul Kim to reflect on the meaning of Epiphany and his journey in L’Arche. Epiphany commemorates the story in the Christian Scriptures of the three wise ones who journeyed from afar to honor the baby Jesus with gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh. Here is Paul’s reflection, shared with permission from core member Carie Halle.
One aspect of the Epiphany story that stuck out to me is the gift of myrrh. Gold is for a king and frankincense for a deity. But myrrh, myrrh is for death. Death makes an appearance at Jesus’ belated birthday party, as a gift. Vulnerability and frailty are given as a gift.
Needless to say, I would rather receive gifts that make me feel strong and independent, not vulnerable and in need of others. I began to better appreciate the gift of vulnerability in light of a quote from Jean Vanier. He says, “Jesus comes to reveal to us that vulnerability is not a road to death but a place of life. It is the wound from which all life will begin to flow.” Vanier’s beautiful words have taken on flesh and bone in all my relationships in Anawim, but I want to tell of the first time I really appreciated the gift of vulnerability.
It was an ordinary morning routine with Carie Halle. I was kneeling on the floor, washing her feet as we sat in silence. Looking up, I saw her staring at me through sleep-bleary eyes, and then it hit me. Not just anyone is allowed to be on Carie’s routine. She has said “yes” to me being a part of her life. And believe me, she has the ability to say “no.” I have experienced it quite a few times. Carie trusts me to hold her body – her life – in my hands on a regular basis. What greater gift is there than a gift of self, totally vulnerable? Through her deep need for assistance, Carie gives me life. She lets me know I am loved by her gift of self. She teaches me greater love through her needs. Indeed, her need for assistance mysteriously meets my need to be loved and to love. I do not wish my words to brush away or cover up the real pain that also comes with vulnerability. But I hope this is a reminder that life can come from vulnerability too.
